RESET
Updated: Dec 6, 2022
It is autumn and for the first time in my life, I decided to plant bulbs. I planted daffodils a few weeks ago, and as I am keeping an eye on these bulbs day after day, I can't help but get frustrated. Have I done it correctly? Is it placed in the right spot? Has it been watered too much, or perhaps too little? What is going on in there?!?
When it looks like the rain is going to come down during the night I bring it inside, and then the next morning I take it outside again because it has been cozied up inside the house for too long. Then, as I see the scarce autumn sun peaking over my wall, I run outside to place the pot in the light. An hour later I move it again following the rays, and so it goes for the rest of the day. I cannot see any traces of growth and I am wondering if the bulbs are rotten, dried out, or just dormant.
This morning as I am again staring at the pot of soil, I realise that I am that bulb! I wonder if God is running around with me like that, hoping for some growth. But for me, I feel like I am dormant. Dreams and hopes that I had are now locked up inside and buried underground. All my creative ideas are not making any shoots. Everywhere a graveyard full of unfinished projects. If I was God I would be able to see into the ground and watch the potential inside the bulb. I would be able to see if things are dead or are they waiting for a specific time? What is going on inside there, God? Am I growing? Are we making progress? Is this just a dormant state and if it is, is that okay? It is so frustrating!
What do you do when you find yourself in a dormant space - without direction - not being able to go left or right, much less go forward? At some point, you had clear direction but now you feel lost and all clues have faded.