When we walk on very painful paths and dealing with traumatic events in our lives, we can start to question our faith. It is then when we realise that we understand very little, and we do not know as much as we thought we did. It is quite enlightening; when life is good and everything is going fairly well, we think we have understanding..
Recently, I was going through probably the most difficult time in my life and I had to deal with something I thought would never be part of my package. It never crossed my mind that I would maybe also go through this ordeal at some point in my life. I always somehow subconsciously believed that I was immune to that.
I asked questions ‘why did You allow this to happen?’ ‘Why did this have to be part of my journey?’ Prior to this, I always believed the right thing to do would be not to say, ‘why me’ but ‘why not me’. And if ever I had to deal with something of this magnitude, I would certainly deal with it gracefully and make the best of it. Lo and behold..it is not easy to practice what you preach!
It was easy to think the way I did because I had never walked the walk. I have not worn those shoes until a year ago. I can now look back in shame and embarrassment remembering how I tried to give people advice who were dealing with the same situation, thinking I had some answers. Giving certain scriptures and quotes and opinions which, I realise now, probably brought more hurt than good. My opinions were also backed by certain books I believed had the answers, and when it was my turn to walk this painful path, I grabbed hold of one of those books and realised, I was wrong about them. I now know for certain, if one hasn't travelled the same road one can most certainly not understand let alone give advice. And what you read in books sometimes remains a theory.
I guess sometimes healing can take a while, and healing sometimes has layers in the body, mind and soul. I find that healing is sometimes instantly and sometimes not. I have experienced both kinds in my life personally.
The point is, I questioned my faith, and what I thought made sense before no longer did. I do know that at some point during this journey God started to stir my faith! And giving me scriptures and phrases and dreams He brought me to a place to believe for a miracle. And even now after I had received my miracle, I still cannot explain exactly what it is to have faith for healing.
“My fellow believers, when it seems as though you are facing nothing but difficulties see it as an invaluable opportunity to experience the greatest joy that you can!
For you know that when your faith is tested it stirs up power within you to endure all things.” ~ James 1:2-3
Honestly, at the time of trauma, I could not get myself to think like this. But God was working.
The night before I received Word that God had healed me, I had a dream – a vivid dream. Jesus was asking me “do you believe?” In the dream I answered, “Yes I do!” He asked again, “do you believe?” I answered again, “Yes I do!” The third time Jesus asked me the same question I woke up and I answered out loud “Yes, I DO believe!”
I sat up in my bed and I pondered on what had just happened. It was so real and clear, and I was wondering what it all meant? I thought to myself that perhaps if we wanted healing, we just needed to believe – that’s all – simple. We only need to believe in Jesus and who He is and that’s that. So, I declared my faith in Jesus that morning but still not really understanding what all of that was about. At this point in time God was stirring my spirit and I was not really ‘there yet’.
The next morning, I received Word from God that he had healed me and he gave me proof of it in my body. Not wanting to take time on the healing part now, I want to shift to my notes I put together afterwards. I thought to myself, I had received this incredible miracle gift of healing (and it was not the first time in my life) and I still cannot really explain it to anyone. I guess maybe it is a good thing because that proves that there is no recipe and that it remains a miracle gift and not something we can really explain as every person will have a different personal experience in their healing and relationship with God. So in my mind, all these teachings and schools “10 points on how to receive healing”.. I struggle to relate to that. There is something bigger than that. And when I say ‘bigger’ I don’t mean intellectually or works that we have to do, or recipes we have to follow, but something deeper with substance. It is to do with these:
And I can’t explain. This is where your personal journey with God comes in to work out those for yourself in your life, with Him.
What I do know is that first of all, God stirred my faith by leading me through scriptures, and specifically mostly the story of Elisha. And I read these scriptures and thought to myself, ‘this is actually ridiculous! God, if you could make and axe head float for no amazing reason, surely you can heal me!? Am I not more important to You than that?’ I felt my person rising a little and I felt faith growing a little in me. I also read a lot through the Psalms and saw how David time and time again cried out to God to forgive him and heal him. So, I also did that. I forgave people I thought needed my forgiveness and I asked God to forgive me all my sins.
I had to read the scriptures to realise again anew that God can do anything! And nothing is impossible for God.
So, when FAITH is stirred in you (by Holy Spirit), it brings with it COURAGE – courage to believe. It also brings with it POWER – power to endure what you are going through because you realise that God is perfect and perfect in all his ways, and he IS with you and will get you through this. It also brings OBEDIENCE – obedience to walk the road God decided (in his infinite wisdom) that he would allow you to walk on.
[But you also need to BELIEVE. You need to believe that God can heal you and that he wants to heal you. You have to believe that it is not God’s will for anyone to suffer or to die. You also need to believe simply that Jesus is the son of God and he already died so you could have life. God’s plan from the beginning was for people to live without disease and death. His plan did not change however, people changed. God introduced to us a way to get us all (eventually) back to his original plan, and this plan is Jesus.]
And with all of this it creates the perfect soil for a miracle! The seed of faith that you need is not a lot. It does not take a truck load full of faith. Only as small as a mustard seed. And believe me, I think I had even less than that.
In my case I also had promises (and still have) from God about my journey ahead and this gave me hope and helped me to trust. I had reason to believe that what I was going through was not the end for me because God had promised me something for my future.
We have faith in God and who he is, and we hope for things not yet seen. To believe is to pull it from a thought/hope into reality.
I had this picture in my head that I was walking into a storeroom in heaven and it had all these shelves with things on it. Faith brought me into the storeroom. Believe, had me reaching out to the box on the shelf to take it from the shelf and now it was in my hands and it was mine.
Faith becomes confident hope as you believe.
“Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God” ~ Rom 10:17
This is always used (and correctly so) for when you come to faith in Jesus. But in this case God took it a little further for me. He first stirred my faith to believe by walking with me through scriptures in the Word. He inspired me with scriptures to believe and then Jesus asked me “do you believe?”
Another factor that played a very big part in my healing was prayer – and not my own prayer as much as prayers from friends and loved ones. I had a small group of precious friends who continually interceded for me. What grace and what a gift! And my mother whom I know spends every day on her knees for her whole family. There is something
special and powerful in a mother’s prayers for her children. My dad and daughter..I had people who prayed for me and especially in times when I could not pray, which turned out was most of the time.
Does everyone get their miracle? With respect, no, it seems not. Does this mean I am better than those who did not receive their miracle? Does this mean I know a little more or I am a bit closer to God or have a little more faith? Certainly not!!! That would be utter pride – spiritual pride! We need to examine ourselves and make sure we understand that every good thing is given us by God’s grace and not by something we did to deserve it. Every miracle also remains a grace gift.
But one thing is certain, my job was to have faith and to believe and to trust. The rest was all up to God. And for this I can't even take any credit for because God made it impossible for me not to believe.
There is a lot more to my journey and to the miracle, but I will write about it some other time.
I am sharing these beautiful lines taken from the The Passion Translation in Hebrews 11. Perhaps you would want to go and read the whole chapter.
Hebrew 11 - TPT
Now faith brings our hopes into reality and becomes the foundation needed to acquire the things we long for. It is all the evidence required to prove what is still unseen.
And without faith living within us it would be impossible to please God.
Faith opened Noah’s heart to receive revelation from God. But he stepped out in reverent obedience to God.
Faith motivated Abraham to obey God’s call.
Faith enabled Moses to choose God’s will and he persisted in faith. Faith stirred Moses. Faith opened a way.
Faith pulled down Jericho’s walls. Faith provided a way.
Faith sparked courage in some, and in others faith enabled them to endure.
Hebrews 4 – TPT
For those of us who believe, faith activates the promise, and we experience the realm of confident rest.
Hebrews 3 – TPT
It is clear that they could not enter into their inheritance because they wrapped their hearts in unbelief.
So search your hearts every day, and make sure that you have no unbelieve hiding within you.
Continue courageously to hold firmly to your bold confidence and your victorious hope. Your confidence rests in God.
Confident faith = Confident rest
I hope this inspires you to draw near to God during your darkest deepest struggles and to allow Him to stir your faith. Don’t make it your job to try and understand ‘why’ but make it your job to exercise faith. Let FAITH be stirred in your whole being to BELIEVE and to have HOPE. Never lose hope!