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Chapter 2: Depression

Immediately the fuzziness left me, my vision cleared up - I no longer had blurry vision and the colours of everything were clear and bright!

It was on 14 March 2003, I shared with the group at Bible Study that my credit card is in the red and yet I could not stop spending money. They prayed for me.

Afterward, I found myself driving to Key West shopping centre to go and buy something!?

At the traffic light intersection a man in a white vehicle skipped the red light and cam straight through! I was furious. I shouted at him (not that he could hear me) and then I broke down in tears.

On my way I heard a voice in my heart to turn right and take the R28, then again to turn left at the Plant Park. I said, "God, where must I go?' I heard "Go to Medi-Cross". I said, "but I am not sick, God, what am I going to do there?" No answer.

Getting closer to Medi-Cross I said, "Okay God, if this is from you, please let me see Dr Cornelius, (I have been to her before with my son). Let me get there, and if she is in, let me see her immediately, without having to wait or having to make an appointment."

I walked into the centre and looked at the name board on the wall and it said that Dr Cornelius was out.

The receptionist asked me who I would like to see, and I told her that I actually wanted to see Dr Cornelius but I see that she is out. She said, "let me just check. No, she is in and she can see you straight away".

The receptionist asked me to take a seat. I sat down and realised 'but what now?' I said, "God, what am I going to tell her?" No answer.

I was taken by Dr Cornelius's friendliness. She had beautiful eyes, full of compassion.

She started by asking me a few questions and I started crying. I was so tired of feeling tired. All I wanted to do lately was sleep. I had no joy, no hope, no ambition. It was as if all the strength in my body left. I was always in a bad mood around home, shouting at the kids and fighting with my husband.

I struggled to sleep and my mind was always filled with negativity. I always ended up at the same place in my head, 'take yourself out'. I felt myself over reacting to certain things and my emotions were on a roller coaster all the time. I felt like I was genuinely losing my mind. Something was wrong with my brain! I was angry all the time.

I told her that I was a Christian and that I had been praying for a change but it just seemed to get worse.

Dr Cornelius said' "I am also a Christian, but I am not going to pray for you today. I am going to put you on medication and by tomorrow you would start to feel much better."

The medication did wonders for me! I was feeling happy for the first time in so long. I praised God for guiding me to Dr Cornelius!

Towards September 2004 I realised that the medication was starting to wear off. During the month of August I had this niggling feeling in my heart that it was time to get off the medication. So, any Doctor would tell you not to stop immediately but to wean yourself off the medication, but I just stopped. For three days I was off the medication and it felt as if I was being tormented! In fact, I was worse than before I decided to go back on the medication! I literally felt like I was going mentally insane.

on the 8th of September 2004, I got pulled over by a traffic officer for speeding. I was driving a little faster than the speed limit but nothing serious. I was furious. I lost it. I nearly attacked him. I took that speeding fine, crumbled it up and threw it onto the ground right at his feet. The lady officer that was with him came toward me but she kept quiet. The both of them stayed calm and kept quiet. They could have arrested me for my behaviour. I believe G_d kept them silent and calm.

I realised that the medication was not doing its job no more and it felt like it was making me worse. I prayed that G_d would help me to get off the medication. I knew that if I went back to Dr Cornelius she would probably want to put me onto a stronger prescription, and not long after it would be an even stronger one!

I prayed and asked G_d to heal me completely and to help me get off the medication.

On 9 September 2004 I stopped the medication. The first two weeks were a little shaky but not nearly as bad as I expected. Through a lot of praying and prayers from my friends, G_d carried me through.

On the 22nd of October 2004, it was my 40th day without the medication!

Of course the enemy did not leave me alone. Every time I had an off day, the enemy would be there with his voice in my head, "you are not healed, you are going back there".

On 16 November 2004, my husband and I had a heated argument and he said to me, "you aren't healed"! I said, 'even you though you are telling me I am not healed, I am telling you now that G_d has healed me completely. I do not have depression any longer because G_d healed me. It is finished. It is gone!'

And at that moment, when I spoke it out loud in my home, it was done!

Immediately the fuzziness left me, my vision cleared up - I no longer had blurry vision and the colours of everything were so clear and bright! I never even realised that this was the case. I had depression for so long that I did not know my vision was blurry and that I was seeing faded colours. The most amazing thing was that I no longer had constant negative reasonings in my head. I felt free!

I know now that no medication can ever cure you from depression. It helps with the mood and supresses certain emotions, but it cannot cure you, only G_d can, through the mighty name of Christ Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit!

Depression is a possession on the inside - an indwelling, or an oppression from the enemy literally like a blanket over you. It is such a fine way of hurting G_d's people and even killing them. The world loses thousands of people every year through suicide. The enemy get's an opening, a foot in the door, at some point in your life. He then takes that gap and start to whisper negative words and the downward spiral starts until you are out of control and in bondage to the darkness. The darkness drags you down the pit and you are not able to get out of that unless you reach for the Light and cancel all the lies from the evil one.

It is such a clever way from the enemy because he basically starts the wheel rolling and then sits back and watch you self destruct in your mind. Where the mind goes the body follows.Chapter 2:

But G_d is saying to get out from underneath that dark blanket, to take Jesus' hand with your whole heart and being; to trust in Him and live! Jesus died so that we can have life. Jesus overcame the darkness so that we can walk in the light. Jesus died for our healing. The power of Jesus' blood and his mighty name is what sets us free.

I went to see Dr Cornelius again to give her my testimony. She was very happy for me and gave praise to G_d. She thanked me for coming and gave me a big hug.

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