"Do you believe?"

End March 2020

I dreamt Jesus asked me: "Do you believe?" And I answered, 'YES'. He asked me again, and I said 'YES'. He asked a third time, "Do you believe?" I answered 'Yes, I believe!' I woke up and sat up in my bed and I answered out loud, 'Yes, I believe!' It was such a vivid dream, loud and clear, there was no doubt that Jesus asked me this. It took me a few minutes to gather myself. I was sitting there with my mouth hanging open, in awe and wondering 'what had just happened here?'

 

I thought to myself, perhaps when it comes to healing, one should just simply believe. Believe in Jesus and who he is. Perhaps it is a simple matter...

11 April 2020

I stumbled on this piece of writing today that I noted down on the 16th of January 2019. At the time I felt this was an important message from God to me, so I wrote it down to keep it.  Little did I know at the time, how much my life would change in that year!

16 January 2019

"Do not judge My plans for your life."

I am training and preparing you for the coming days. Your calling is unique, so your preparation will be unique. Others may walk in crooked ways, but your love for Me will not allow you to wander far from My paths. When you see your life as I see your life, you will know My plans for you are coming to pass. Nothing can hinder what I am preparing you for. The days of coming glory will not pass you by; you will experience all that I have planned. The fullness of My power is coming to you!

Soon, very soon, you will be astounded by the changes I have made in your life. You will move from one place to another, from living in shadows to living in the brilliance of My glory. You will move from feeling confused to comforted and filled with My life. Why would you doubt My plan for your life? Have I not called you to a unique and one-of-a-kind lifestyle? Joseph would have never come to the place of ruling and reigning had he lived in doubt—even in the dark days of his prison. You can see how My preparation of Joseph, My servant, was one-of-a-kind. So too will your preparation be unusual.

I am calling you to a wonderful place of influence, as you touch the lives of many. Do not judge My plans for your life by the momentary mess that is around you, or the unusual situation you find yourself in this day. I trained Moses in a desert to be My leader and champion. I trained David on the lonely hillside to be a warrior, as he sang his psalms of praise to Me. I trained John the Baptist in the barren wilderness and My servant Paul in Arabia. Those whom I use the most I also bewilder the most! When you are bewildered and have no clue what I am up to, it is proof of My high calling on your life. Your day of destiny is near!

Will you desire Me at any cost? Will you sacrifice to Me all your opinions of what I should do to move you forward? I will move in mystery to bring you into greater light. Never doubt me in your darkness, but trust until the light of a New Day dawns. My mighty grace is given to you in your difficulties and in your delights. The grace-gift I give to you cannot be diminished by what seems to be a delay. Trust and the light will shine.

Believe and understanding will soon follow. I am all you need in every step you take. Let your heart say, "You are all I need!"

~ Come Away My Beloved

(Just under three months later, on the 8th of March 2019, God said that we would pack up and emigrate to New Zealand)

At the end of March 2020, I felt drawn to read about Elisha. I don't really know how I got to open my Bible to read these scriptures. It was the first time in a year that I felt I could sit and read and take the scriptures in again, and hear God speaking to me through His Word. The past year has been an absolute roller coaster of circumstances, and I had no time nor energy to sit and read. I missed this, and from a distance in my heart I felt a hunger for it but I did not have the strength to make the time. 

By now we have been in lock-down for a couple of days and my 'rest mode' kicked in. I felt the urge to sit at His feet every morning before my day starts.

So I started reading and making notes:

Elisha asked for a double portion of Elijah's spirit..

Elisha = Scriptures of miracles - even ridiculous miracles!

Elisha called for a musician - music often accompanies prophesy.

I read about a grain offering thanking God for his provision every day. So I decided to thank God for his provision in my life every day - like a grain offering.

There was the widow who had nothing and was told to collect jars and to pour the last bit of oil she had into the jars. The oil stopped when she ran out of jars. This speaks about provision; abundant provision. The jars represent her faith. I felt God stirring my spirit to exercise faith.

[My son's name is Bradley, meaning 'Abundant Provider'.]

On 1 April I read more and made further notes. I decided to look up the name Elisha. It means: "my God is salvation"

I remember, it is the same meaning as the name Joshua! I looked up his name not so long ago. Joshua means: "YAHWEH is salvation." Last year (2019), on the 5th of March I was lead to the scriptures of Joshua again.  God was telling me to be brave and not to be afraid. It was on the 8th of March (2019) when Garth (my husband) told me we should leave South Africa. I was strengthened during the process of preparing for the emigration by Joshua 1:10 

"Prepare provisions for yourselves, for within three days you will cross over this Jordan, to go in to possess the land which the Lord our God is giving you to possess."

Meaning of possess: have as belonging to one; own.

So I started doing just that. I prepared. I got rid of things and bought things to take with us. I painted and refurbished furniture and all the while I told myself that I was getting provisions together! I knew that nothing and no one would stop us from emigrating (because of the dream I had in 2004) and I knew it would be a quick process because of the 'three days' mentioned in Joshua. So I worked hard and fast to get things in place.

I have been seeing double digits a lot lately again, and I even told Bradley that God was busy stirring something in me - He is stirring my spirit. The night before I watched a chef's program on TV and saw the chef going into a cheese factory and I noticed the date marked on one of the cheeses, 17 Nov. I looked again and saw the cheese next to that one marked. Out of hundreds of cheeses in that factory, only two were visibly marked. I stopped the program to take a closer look, and noticed the time that it was stopped at was 22:17! (the first day we landed in NZ, the wheels touch ground at exactly 22:17.)

This morning on 1 April, I read 2 Kings 6:17, and the description in my NKJV Study Bible said:

"Look through the eyes of faith and let God show you his resources."

When I started reading 2 Kings about three days ago, I said to my mom and Cazzie, 'I think God is stirring my spirit to have faith.' Now, today, for sure, I know that God is busy with me, stirring my faith. I remember the day I was at Phil's house ministering with sound. This was probably 5 or more years ago. Sophia went around the tables to bless everyone's hands with oil. When she got to me she said, 'wait, I have to pour more! It is like the widow and the oil, it just keeps running!'. When the morning came to a finish and it was time for me to go and say goodbye to Leana. She told me to hang on as she had a gift for me in her car. She came back with a bottle of olive oil and on the bottle is a label with a picture of the widow and the oil with that scripture as a reference! I knew then God was saying that I will be needing extra faith in time to come. (I didn't know for what though.)

When we started the emigration process in 2019 I often reminded myself of this. Now again God is asking me to apply faith and extra faith!

A new sound started forming on the keyboard and I felt the stirring of God in my spirit! I decided to call it "Stirring my Spirit".

On 4 April 2020, I decided to read from the beginning of 2 Kings again. I did not want to miss anything God might have wanted to point out to me. My eyes fell on the word EKRON. It caught my eyes because one of the flats we owned in SA was called Ekron and the name always tickled me. I looked up the meaning of Ekron, and it means: "Uprooting, Emigration"!

Oh wow, my God, how incredible!? Who is like You? 

God is reminding me, that every detail of our path is worked out by Him and WAS worked out even then, all those years ago when we bought a flat called Ekron!

1 Timothy 1:18

"This charge I commit to you, son Timothy (daughter Lisah),

according to the prophesies previously made concerning you, that by them you may wage the good warfare, having faith, .."

 

On 6 April 2020, I got this before bed:

Ekron pic.jpeg

"Remain Faithful."

The word I speak to you today is endurance. I call you to be faithful unto the end, even as I loved my disciples unto the end. The burdens you carry must always be brought to the cross and left forever at my feet.

Others won’t understand the load you carry or the secret wounding of your soul, but I understand.

Never compare yourself to another, but bring your burdens to the One who cares. You will never be asked to carry more than you can endure, though it is often more than you expect.

I call you to stretch your faith until it is greater than your burden.

Speak over your life this day, "I will endure all things for love." And I will declare over you that I am your strength—

the One who saves and makes all things new. In my presence you will find the grace, courage, power, and health you need to survive. You will not fail, neither will you stumble. For I will hold you in my love, even as I held Jesus in my love throughout his ordeals. I am with you and will exchange your weakness for my strength as you wait upon me.

~ The Passion Translation

 

** I really needed to hear that as oftentimes since the diagnosis, I cried out to God saying that my burden is too heavy to carry!

9 April 2020

James 1:3

"You know that when your faith is tested it stirs up power within you to endure all things."

Elisha stayed in Dothan. Dothan means: "Two wells, Double Feast".

Dothan is the same place where Joseph met his brothers that frightful day when they decided to kill him, and they threw him into the pit. 

Joseph has for long been one of the characters in the Bible that God uses to speak to me. Through Joseph, amongst other things, God has always been speaking to me about 'establishing' and 'double portion'. Dothan also speaks about a double portion. 

ENDURANCE: to be faithful to the end 

Brings me back again to the dream I had about the camel, as well as the dream about the marathon

FAITH stirs up power to endure all things while you are on your way to the Prophesies and Promises of God. And through the eyes of FAITH, we will see God's RESOURCES.

11 April 2020

In my NKJV Bible, I read the SPECIAL FEATURES: 'The 17 prophetic books at the end of the Old Testament..' Oh my goodness, 17!! I always knew since 2010, when God first started speaking to me about the number 17,  that it was a prophetic number that God is using in my life! 

17:

Overcoming

Victory

Inheritance

Today God is highlighting this scripture:

Psalm 106:1-5

Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!
Everyone thank God, for he is good and easy to please.
Your tender love for us, Lord, continues on forever.
Who could ever fully describe your glorious miracles?
Yahweh, who could ever praise you enough?
The happiest one on earth is the one who keeps your word
and clings to righteousness every moment.
So remember me, Lord, as you take joy in your people.
And when you come to bring the blessings of salvation,
don’t forget me!
Let me share in the wealth and beauty of all your lovers,
rejoice with your nation in all their joys,
and let me share in the glory you give to your chosen ones.

I felt that this was fitting as I was expecting the gift of salvation to come soon. I also believe God has said that He was bringing a double portion of salvation. This is a prophetic scripture.

12 April 2020

I paged back to the beginning of 2 Kings again. For the first time, I took a good look at the little picture in my Bible, at the write-up before the scriptures start. I have always paged right past this picture, never bothered to look at it. Always when paging past I had a split-second thought, I wonder what that picture is all about - the picture never made sense to me and I did not know what it was. Today, looking at it properly for the first time, I saw what it was..it is a river! And the scripture that has been haunting me for so long and especially again since last year:

Isaiah 43:2

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you:

And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.."

I also underlined in my Bible, the write-up bit, about the salmon that needs to swim upstream and I looked up the meaning of Elisha, Ekron, and Dothan I decided I might as well look up the two names also mentioned in the write-up. I didn't really take notice of it before:

Hezekiah means "God is my strength"

Josiah means "Jehova has healed" 

15 April 2020

I sat down in my chair like I have been doing for the past few weeks, for reading and quiet time. Before I started reading I had a very special encounter. I suppose you could call it a vision. It felt like I was dreaming but I was awake. I saw dark clouds outside, rain clouds, and in this, I saw Jesus' face in the clouds looking at me and he was coming closer to me. I could not see details of his face but I knew it was him, and he just kept looking at me with the most beautiful smile! I closed my eyes, sat back, and smiled. I sat like that for about 15 minutes and it was an incredible experience! Such peace and joy! I didn't want the moment to end and afterward, I said 'please God don't let me ever forget this moment with Jesus!'

I decided that I was going to have communion in the evening, and during the day I declared my healing, and I would say, 'Jesus my healer, Jesus my Physician.'

Sometime in the day, I stumbled upon this writing that I noted down in February 2019:

13 February 2019

"I will give you a waterfall of love"

It is my glory to show mercy. I long to be merciful to those who turn to me. You have placed your heart under my mercy fountain, and you have been washed clean—forgiven all. My grace has restored your soul, and your life's portion overflows. My kindness to you has lifted you higher than any angel at my right hand.

Now, I want you to be merciful to the guilty, gracious to the unworthy, and kind to those who mistreat you. Freely you have been given these virtues, now freely give them away and watch them multiply.

To hold a grudge against another is a binding chain to your soul, preventing you to arise and come away with me. Be free to forgive and watch my victory be released before your eyes. I will heal your body and your thoughts when you release forgiveness to the one who offended you. My grace fountain has been opened. It is flowing and will never be stopped. Let my grace make you stronger than your enemies and wiser than your foes. I will give you the glory of grace as you give away mercy to others.

I am calling home the sons and daughters who have forgotten me. Many will be awakened by my mercy kiss before this year is over. You will see a waterfall of love bring my sons and daughters from afar. They will be restored with fresh passion to seek me and to know me. Your delight must be in finding them and loving them back into wholeness and dignity. You will remove loneliness from their hearts and see them restored. Even within your family, there will be healing and grace as I recapture hearts and ignite their longings toward me. You will be the healer of hearts and a restorer of families as I bring you higher in my ways. Give yourself to me, forgive all who wound you, and I will work on your behalf. You will witness my victory before your eyes.

So I decided then that I would ask for forgiveness before the communion, and also forgive anyone that might have offended me and I have not yet forgiven them. I did this in the evening and had communion.

 

16 April 2020

This morning, when I sat down to read, I didn't know where to read. I said to God, 'I don't know where to read'. Thinking that I was finished with the scriptures about Elisha.  I decided to go through these scriptures of 2 Kings and Elisha again, just to make sure I got everything God had for me in it. So I read through all the notes I made in my Bible the past few weeks. I took further notice of everything God pointed out to me. I looked at the picture of the waters again and the scripture reference I wrote next to it of Isaiah 43:2. I started reading through the whole write-up again (the piece before the scriptures start) and I read what I wrote there:

Hezekiah means "God is my strength"

Josiah means "Jehova has healed" 

When I read this it was as if I saw it for the first time! When I read this I just knew that God was talking to me! I am your strength - I have healed you.

I fell down on my face on the floor and cried! My body was shaking and I sobbed and I thanked Him over and over again. I lifted my arms in praise and my right arm was immediately healed. I could lift it without obstruction. The chord was gone! God said that he healed me!

I wanted the perfect song and remembered the one Cazzie sent me a couple of months back, 'Way Maker" by Leeland. This specific version was perfect for me as at the end of the song he speaks and says that God is above cancer! I listened to the song over and over the whole day. I went to bed with the song and I had the biggest smile on my face!

I drew a crown in my Bible at 2 Kings and I decided to wear my crown dress again the next day!

17 April 2020

I woke up with the biggest smile on my face, and I played "Way Maker' by Leeland over and over!

 

This morning I wanted to check out a note I wrote in my Bible on 13 May 2005. I noticed it yesterday as I was reading through the scriptures about Elisha, at 2 Kings 6 [The Floating Ax Head] and I was curious. So I paged to 2 Kings 6. My pencil note reads:

'Gwen was mentioning the ax story at my baptism. I searched and searched for it and today, 16 March 2005, I just opened it here! See 1 Kings 6'. (So, since my baptism day on 13 May 2005, I searched for the scripture for three days, as I did not know where it was written, and on the 16th of March 2005, when I opened my Bible I opened it on that scripture that I was looking for.)

My note said "see 1 Kings 6, so I paged to it. Here I saw the little palm tree that Cath gave me in 2005. It was in 2005 when I received a lot on palm trees and it is a symbol of victory!

Through the note I made at 1 Kings 6, God took me to 2 Kings 6 where He reminded me of the palm trees and confirmed that He gave me victory in healing me! I also made a note here on 16 March 2005 'Cathy mentioned. See Psalm 92'. Seeing this note I paged to Psalm 92. Here God reminded me again what He gave me on the palm trees in 2005 and He reminded me that I was anointed with fresh oil when Gwen poured that bottle of oil over my head!

I noticed a note I made on 14 March 2005, Cath gave me that scripture: "if you walk in My statutes, execute My judgments, keep all My commandments, and walk in them, then I will perform My word with you, .." ~ 1 Kings 6:12

I also saw that I encircled the words 'palm trees' four times and on 16 March 2005, I wrote: "palm trees?" I also wrote:

"Palm Tree = an unbranched evergreen tree with a crown of very long feathered or fan-shaped leaves

                    = a leaf of a palm awarded as a prize or viewed as a symbol of victory"

Palm trees - a symbol of victory! God is saying 'Victory is near!'

Psalm 92:12 - 15

The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree,

He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon

Those who are planted in the house of the Lord

Shall flourish in the courts of our God.

They shall still bear fruit in old age;

They shall be fresh and flourishing,

To declare that the Lord is upright;

He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.

In 2005 also marked the footnotes in green:

"Palm trees are known for their long life. To flourish like palm trees means to stand tall and to live long."

My sister sent me a parcel from South Africa and amongst the lovely goodies was a candle and it says: 'Stand tall darling'.

Insert picture of the candle.

Amazing! After all these years God took me back today, to the scriptures He gave me in 2005. He reminded me of the scriptures and what He said to me. Today He was telling me that VICTORY IS HERE, and THAT I WILL HAVE A LONG LIFE just like the palm tree!

He also reminded me of the oil Gwen and the girls poured all over my head in 2005!

Psalm 92:10

..I have been anointed with fresh oil.

God also lead me to open Psalm 92 in my TPT, so awesome! And the beautiful thing is..this is where I kept the little feather that I found at my coffee machine one morning. When I walked into the kitchen to the coffee bar to make myself a cup of coffee I found the feather there next to the coffee machine. I just knew that was God! I kept the feather and remembered the scripture: "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge"

Psalm 92:4-6 TPT

No wonder I’m so glad; I can’t keep it in!
Lord, I’m shouting with glee over all you’ve done,
for all you’ve done for me!
What mighty miracles and your power at work, just to name a few.
Depths of purpose and layers of meaning
saturate everything you do.

Such amazing mysteries found within every miracle
that nearly everyone seems to miss.

And verse 10: "Your anointing has made me strong and mighty. You've empowered my life for triumph, by pouring fresh oil over me."

Triumph = Overcoming, Victory, Inheritance!

NB: Insert picture of intro NKJV 2 Kings!

19 April 2020

I realised that Hezekiah was the man who got his life extended! He got a report that he was to die, but God extended his life, and this was one of the two names God used to speak to me on the 16th of April when He said that He healed me!

21 April 2020

Since 16 April I have been wondering how I would tell the people I work with the news of my healing! Especially Sue because she will be asking about the treatment and when the surgery is and so on. I have to tell her. But God, how do I tell her?? So I was making my coffee and sat down to read like every morning.

I opened my Bible on this scripture! Oh my goodness!

He Healed Me
Lord, I will exalt you and lift you high,
for you have lifted me up on high!
O Lord, my healing God,
I cried out for a miracle and you healed me!
You brought me back from the brink of death,
from the depths below.
Now here I am, alive and well, fully restored!
O sing and make melody, you steadfast lovers of God.
Give thanks to him every time you reflect on his holiness!
I cried out to you, Lord God. I shouted out for mercy, saying,
“What would you gain in my death,
if I were to go down to the depths of darkness?
Will a grave sing your song?
How could death’s dust declare your faithfulness?”
So hear me now, Lord; show me your famous mercy.
O God, be my Savior and rescue me!

Then he broke through and transformed all my wailing
into a whirling dance of ecstatic praise!
He has torn the veil and lifted from me
the sad heaviness of mourning.
He wrapped me in the glory garments of gladness.
How could I be silent when it’s time to praise you?
Now my heart sings out loud, bursting with joy—
a bliss inside that keeps me singing,
“I can never thank you enough!”

So I decided to answer her by quoting this scripture. She was very sweet in her response but thought I should be seeking counseling. It is clear that she has no idea where I am coming from with faith. I pray that she will receive the gift of faith.

End April 2020

I thought to myself 'it would have been just amazing if the healing came on the 17th of April - why the 16th? At some point, I paged through Exodus again and found my scripture of old, Exodus 15:3, where I pasted my camel sticker and the date I wrote down there when God spoke to me about my name, 16 April 2008. Exactly 12 years later, on this same day, God healed me! I turned the page in my Bible and I encircled 12 wells of water and 70 palm trees. God spoke to me that year about these.

12 = join or unity

Insert Picture Exodus 15, 16, 17!

13 May 2020

This morning I did not know where to read. I decided to read through my 2008 journal. I was just about to finish and put it down when I saw my dream I wrote down on 22 November 2008! I remember this dream so well but forgot about this but and never understood what that part of the dream meant as it felt strange and out of place but thank God I did write it down!

"Last night I had a dream: I saw myself with short snow-white hair and it was falling out - I barely had any hair left on my head!"

I realise that God was foretelling then already about the chemo! Oh my goodness - if I did not write it down that time I would have not even remembered as it didn't make sense to me at the time! I know this spoke of the chemo because on the 1st of May I decided to shave my head with a razor as I could see very fine little hair growing back. It was difficult to see them yet but when the sunlight fell on it correctly it was more visible. So I thought it would be best to shave it so that it could grow out strong. That morning when I sat in the bath with my razor I was almost too sad to shave it because when the sun came through the window it showed the most beautiful whitest little fluff hairs I had ever seen! I was sad to shave them off!

Insert pic of dream in journal

2 Kings 6 pic.jpeg
1 Kings 6.jpeg
Psalm 92.jpeg

18 May 2020

Gilgal

It is morning and I am sitting with my Bible before work, and I decided to go back to the book of Joshua because yesterday, my husband and I were talking again about 'will we get residency and will we be able to stay in New Zealand or will we be told to go back to South Africa?'

I was thinking again about the scriptures in the book of Joshua, the dream about the knife with the name 'Jordan' written on it, and so I decided to go back to the scriptures and my notes.

I wanted to find out where we were on the journey and how far we've come and to see what is next, so I decided to page through the book of Joshua again. God gave me so many pointers and messages through the book of Joshua since 2008, it was undeniable and I was looking for more. I read the headings in my King James Bible and glanced over the scriptures God gave me:

ENTERING THE PROMISED LAND (done)

God's Commission to Joshua

Arise.

Go over this Jordan.

Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given you.

As I was with Moses so I will be with you.

I will not leave you nor forsake you.

Be strong and of good courage.

Only be strong and very courageous.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

The Order to Cross the Jordan (done)

Prepare provisions for yourselves, for within three days you will cross over this Jordan, to go in and possess the land which the Lord your God is giving you to possess.

Only the Lord God be with you, as He was with Moses.

Only be strong and of good courage.

Crossing the Jordan (done)

As I was with Moses, so I will be with you.

The waters of the Jordan shall be cut off. 

In 2016 I also made a note in my Bible at Joshua 1: 'Possession, territory, authority - already given and awaiting.'

I read that 'after the crossing of the river Jordan, the Israelites camped at Gilgal, where they renewed their commitment to God and celebrated the Passover.' So I was thinking, okay after the Israelites crossed the Jordan river they were camping at Gilgal, so we crossed 'our Jordan' and therefore we are probably now sitting at our 'Gilgal'. I decided to look up the meaning of Gilgal.

Gilgal: Circle of Stones

 

We are currently living in 'Stonefields'! And I remembered Joshua was told to collect 12 stones and thought perhaps I should read more about the 12 stones and I paged to Joshua 4, and the heading is 'The Memorial Stones'. 

Joshua 4:8

And the children of Israel did so, just as Joshua commanded, and took up twelve stones from the midst of the Jordan, ... and carried them over with them to the place where they lodged and laid them down there.

"And it came to pass, when the people had completely crossed over the Jordan, that the Lord spoke to Joshua, saying: "...Take for yourselves 12 stones from here.. that this may be a sign among you...that the waters of the Jordan were cut off. And these stones shall be for a memorial."

God told them to put the stones there to remember that the waters were cut off for them. I wrote in my journal in 2008 when I had the dream of the knife, 'cut off', the waters will be cut off, and it is definitely evident now that God came and cut off the waters for us allowing us to enter this land. We have no qualifications however within four weeks we both got job offers.

For the past few weeks I had been asking God to help me because I have this urgency and desire inside me to write down this journey. I've started it a few weeks ago but I am procrastinating and so I asked God for help, and now here I am reading 'The Memorial Stones' and we are sitting in 'Stonefield', so this is confirmation to me that I need to write. 

So I thought, let me do this symbolically, I am going to find 12 stones outside on this property and keep them wherever I go as a reminder that God cut off the water for us. 

Memorial: a statue or structure established to remind people of a person or event.

Footnotes from NKJV: Retelling your story will help keep memories of God's faithfulness alive in your family.

I continued and read further in Joshua 4:19

"Now the people came up from the Jordan on the tenth day of the first month, and they camped at Gilgal on the east border of Jericho."

When Garth and I came over in June last year  2019, there was confirmation 

Footnotes from NKJV: After the people safely crossed the river, what would be next? Conquering the land? Not yet. First God directed them to build a memorial from 12 stones. This may seem like an insignificant step in their mission for conquering the land, but God did not want his people to plunge into their task unprepared. They were to focus on him and remember who was guiding them. As you are busy doing your God-given task, set aside quiet moments, times to build your own memorial to God's power. Too much activity may shift your focus away from God. 

 

I thought that's interesting...we came into New Zealand on the 10th of September, let me look up what the first month on the Jewish calendar is...and it is Nisan, the first month of Spring! Same in New Zealand, the first month of Spring and on the 10th day! I was blown away! Only God can work out the timing of events like this! 

 

28 Feb 2021..Lisah is now a TM and I am out

I feel such an enormous sense of loss. Since we emigrated to NZ I have experienced loss in a whole new dimension. I have to grieve things in my life non-stop. Just as I think I am back on my feet the next wave comes and knocks me down again. How much can one's heart take before it tears and rips beyond repair? It is one thing to discover that you are actually not a vessel of honour but a vessel of clay - but how do you accept the fact that you are only a vessel in the Potter's hand to be used and broken. There is no significant purpose and no hope to ever bear a glimpse of shimmer .. because clay cannot shine.

Years ago I read a beautiful story about Ordinary who felt this unction in his heart to leave his home and to set out into the big Unknown. He was just Ordinary and never thought he would one day too be called to set out into the amazing land of Hope. I feel I always thought that was was an Ordinary who would one day embark on this amazing journey and finally be a Somebody. But it seems I was just meant to be an Ordinary. I was never meant to be anything more. 

I left the Familiar and set out on an uncharted road to follow a dream - a Promise that awaits on an Island. I thought this Island would be an Island of Joy and Peace and Harvest .. little did I know that this Island is actually and Island of Grieve and loss. Did Joseph feel like this at times? When he was thinking about the dream he received and when he was remembering the Promise..did he feel it was nothing like he thought it would be?

My heart is broken and torn. I hold it together with band-aid but it doesn't last for long. Every now and again I need to replace the old band-aid with new strips. I need stitches but I cannot give my own heart stitches. 

What a fool I have been. I have to resign to the fact that my life was never meant to be anything special. I was never meant to be a Somebody. Just plain old Ordinary and now in a strange land. An Ordinary Nomad without a dream.

Caleb

Early in the morning of 18 February 2021, I went out for a brisk walk before work. The sun was not quite out as yet and I hardly left my front door when I noticed a wallet on the road. I looked inside to see if there was some kind of identity and found the name "Caleb". I smiled because Caleb has always been one of my favourite characters in the Bible, and I love the name Caleb! We don't find much about Caleb except that God sent him as one of the spies into Canaan, and God said he had a different spirit in him. We also know that out of 12 spies it was only Caleb and Joshua who entered the Promised Land.

 

I had been praying for many years - since I first read about Caleb - that God would give me the same spirit as Caleb; I wanted the same spirit as Caleb! I did not know the kind of spirit Caleb had but I knew it was different and it was good because God said so!

 

DEUTERONOMY 1:34-36

Save Caleb the son of Jephunneh; he shall see it, and to him will I give the land that he hath trodden upon, and to his children, because he hath wholly followed the Lord.

 

NUMBERS 14:24

But my servant Caleb, because he has a different spirit in him, and has followed Me fully, I will bring into the land where he went and his descendants shall inherit it.

 

[The fulfillment of this verse is recorded in Joshua 14:6 -15 when Caleb received his inheritance in the Promised Land.]

 

After my walk that morning I googled the owner of the  on Facebook and found it. I messaged Caleb to let him know that he could come and pick up his wallet at his earliest convenience.

 

Not much later that morning I briefly noticed the name Caleb on a news article and yet a little later, for the third time that morning I saw the name, Caleb! Now Caleb is not a common name in my circles, so I thought that maybe God wanted to tell me something about Caleb, so I looked up the meaning:

 

Caleb means faithful, devotion, whole-hearted, bold, brave.

 

I believe God is saying that I need to be faithful, devoted to Him, and brave and bold in my faith; not looking to the left or the right. I need to love Him with all of my heart!

 

In my NKJV Bible, I paged to Numbers 15 and made a note of this in pencil. It says there in the footnotes that Caleb was not so much a man of great faith as a man of faith in a great God! That made me feel a little more at ease, but still, what does it actually mean to love God with all of your heart!? How do I love God with my whole being??

 

I walked with this question and name in my heart for a couple of weeks. I read in Corinthians:

 

1 CORINTHIANS 10:31

Whether you eat or drink, live your life in a way that glorifies and honors God.

17 August 2021

Isaiah 55:10-11 ~ NKJV

For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My Word be that goes forth from My mouth;

It shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please. 

I was lead to this scripture as I opened my Bible and God had it flowing into my heart again confirming that what He promised and said will come to pass!

30 August 2021

My friend Des sent me a link to do Bible reading with her on the online Bible app and when I opened the link it had the scripture for the day: Isaiah 55:11! Since the year 2010, God often gives me the same thing twice, to confirm it for me, to establish it.

WhatsApp Image 2021-08-30 at 05.53.48.jpeg

2 September 2021

I am busy writing a new blog on 'Caleb' - We need to Caleb with God. God started hi-lighting the name Caleb in February already and I have been wanting to blog about it since then. I have made some notes in my Bible and asking myself 'how do I love God with my whole heart?' A few weeks ago I started drafting the blog but left it hanging because I am still not sure of the answer. Yesterday I started adding scripture to the blog and this morning as I continued with that, I read the one scripture again and the realization of what God has been saying to me since February hit me!  

DEUTERONOMY 1:34-36

Save Caleb the son of Jephunneh; he shall see it, and to him will I give the land that he hath trodden upon, and to his children, because he hath wholly followed the Lord.

Having looked at this scripture before today my focus was on 'following God with my whole heart', however as I looked at it again this morning, I realise there are two clear messages from God to me:

1. Caleb:- Follow God whole-heartedly

2. I will give the land:- As we are busy getting paperwork ready to apply for residency, and my husband often wondering if we will get residency with my medical history, God is saying to ME..follow Me with your whole heart and I will give it to you!

It just occurred to me..yesterday morning when I went for my walk I was again pondering on the scripture God gave me: "As I was with Moses, so shall I be with you." I always felt out of sorts with this as I know very well that I could never be likened to Moses, yet I know that I know God gave me that scripture! Later on in my journey, I realized that God was actually speaking to me about Joshua because the scripture was where God was speaking to Joshua before crossing the Jordan to enter the Promised Land. For many years already, God was speaking to me through the life of Joshua and the circumstances and events surrounding him, so this new realisation made more sense to me.

So, this morning, as I was thinking about it all again, I realized further that, again, God was not likening me to Moses, He was simply saying that He would be walking with me as He did with Moses, and He certainly has been doing that! God has been giving me scriptures guiding me forth on this journey since 2004. He speaks to me regarding my journey through the relevant parts of the Bible when it is time to encourage me on, and showing me where we are or going toward on the journey! (In 2008, when I started my desert journey, I said to God 'I will submit and walk the journey, but please walk with me and show me throughout the journey where we are and how far we have come.' He is still doing that!

So, as we are nearing the residency application, God is encouraging me to have faith, to be devoted to Him, and to be brave and bold [as He told me in Joshua]; not looking to the left or the right, but to trust Him. I need to follow Him with all of my heart!

That's it, I just saw that now as I am writing this - I need to follow Him with my whole heart! Of course, we need to love God with all of our hearts, but God is not saying that to me right now, He is saying 'follow Me [on the journey I have set before you] with your whole heart'. He is with me on this journey that He started and I need to follow Him - how beautiful is that!? And then He also encouraged me with Isaiah 55:10-11! 

I need to believe that we will get residency as God has been speaking to me about 'inheriting the land' many years ago. He had clearly done so numerous times in the scriptures of Deuteronomy and Joshua. 

I don't even remember how I got to the scripture Joshua 14 this morning, because my Bible study currently is Colossians. I read the heading in my NKJ Bible says:

"Caleb inherits Hebron".

In all my years reading the book of Joshua I have never stopped at this part and I cannot remember ever reading this. I never knew the Bible has a little bit more to say on Caleb.

 

The name Hebron means: "The Beloved of [God] the Merciful". (This reminds me of the name David that God hi-lighted for me a couple of years ago which means "Beloved" [of the Lord].

Caleb came to Joshua while camping at Gilgal, and Caleb said to him: "..when I was sent to Canaan to spy out the land, and I brought back word as it was in my heart. Nevertheless, my brethren who went up with me made the heart of the people melt, but I wholly followed the Lord, my God. So Moses swore on that day, saying, 'Surely the land where your foot has trodden shall be your inheritance and your children's forever because you have wholly followed the Lord my God.' And now, behold, the Lord has kept me alive..and now, here I am this day." (I cannot help thinking the same, God has kept me alive!)

I remember years ago, it is definitely 2010 or 2011, a friend of mine, Marcelle Mans, gave me a little bookholder which I always kept on the inside of my closet door in 25 Van Oordt, and when we packed up to come to New Zealand I took it from the door and put it in my wallet, and this is where it still is after two years today. I always felt I should keep it for a day in time to come.

The scripture on the bookmark is Joshua 1:3 reads  "Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given you.."

Note to me: add a picture of the bookmark!

Caleb trusted in God's faithfulness to keep His promises.

Taken from the footnotes in my NKJV:

Caleb was faithful from the start. He saw great giants yet, he knew God would help them conquer the land. Because of his faith, God promised him a personal inheritance of land; a reward for his obedience. Numbers 14:24 - "But My servant Caleb, because he has a different spirit in him and has followed Me fully, I will bring into the land where he went, and his descendants shall inherit it."

Even after 45 years, since God promised him the inheritance, his faith was still unwavering. Caleb also knew there were giants they would be facing, but he trusted God to help them. 

Joshua 14:14

Hebron, therefore, became the inheritance of Caleb, .. because he wholly followed the Lord God of Israel.

After Caleb occupied Hebron he also went ahead and conquered Debir, which means "the innermost part of the Holy of Holies in Solomon's temple". But before he could occupy Debir, he had to drive out 3 giants, and then there was peace. 

28 April 2022

This morning I decided to read through this part of my journal again, to strengthen myself in the Lord and in the Promises he gave and to continue to trust in Him and His plans for us. I could not believe I didn't look up the name Hebron before?? NOw, this day, as we are waiting to hear back from INZ on our residency, I decided to look it up:

https://www.abarim-publications.com/Meaning/Hebron.html

28 September 2021

Police Clearance Certificates

We sent our documents via Pakkie vir SAarkie on 12 August - from Auckland, NZ to the PTA police station. On the 24th of August, we received an email that it had been delivered to the police station. We were told that they are so far behind with processing Police Clearance Certificates that we should expect to receive them in mid-November only. 

I prayed and asked God to go into that Police Station, to send His angels in there to take hold of our paperwork and place it at the top, and to open everyone's eyes and hands to work on it and process it, and to get it done speedily! I also phoned Michaela and said to her that I am praying and asking God to process our PCCs speedily so she should please go and have yours done urgently.

Today, in the evening Garth and I were watching TV and an email came through to his phone saying that our PPCs are done!

Wow, God You are amazing!! 

October 2021

New Zealand announced that fast-track residency visas would now be available to all immigrants. This is due to the fact that Covid-19 caused very big delays with processing residency applications and this was a way to assist. There would be two groups; those who already submitted their documents will be able to apply for the fast-track visa in December 2021, and those who still need to apply will do so in March 2022. We were happy to hear about this news and because I could not yet get my medical done because of lockdown, subsequently had not yet submitted our documents and therefore we would apply in March 2022. So we continued to work on our Work Visa renewals and were at ease regarding the documentation for Residency.

So I thought to myself that in the end it was not even necessary for us to have our PCCs this quickly but God did it anyway just because He can and because He is a God who answers prayer!

23 October 2021

It is a long weekend and looking forward to resting. Woke up this morning with an email from our Immigrations agent stating that there are issues for concern, and due to the fact that I am no longer above the minimum salary we have to complete all our documents for the Work Visa renewals and the Residency Applications as a matter of urgency by next week. All paperwork needs to reach him by the latest Wednesday - today is Saturday!

It is lockdown and it is a long weekend. We need to get documents printed, passport photos taken, and we need to certify certain documents.

The amazing thing is that God knew this was coming, and He sped up our PCCs for us so that we can send in our documents in time!

So the relaxing weekend was out the window and tremendous panic and stress took hold of me. Anyone who has emigrated before will understand the number of documents that need to come together and chaos broke loose. Hubby and I were arguing and I was beside myself! Because of the emergency submission, it meant my daughter, who is still stuck in SA, and whom we haven't seen in person for over two years, will now fall off our submission because we do not yet have her PCC. This means she will not be getting residency with us and will not be joining us here. It was a lot to deal with and my heart was broken and bruised. Saturday night I could not fall asleep, I was crying and it felt like I could not breathe.

On Sunday I rushed out with Bradley to get passport photos taken. Fortunately, we found a pharmacy near us that offered the service, and even during the lockdown. We drove to the nearest Police Station to get the documents certified but we were not even allowed in. We spoke through an intercom and were told that during level 3 they do not open and we need to find a Justice of Peace to certify documents. We searched for a list of JPs on google, called but no one answered. Then we found on Google that some pharmacies offered that service, but when we contacted them they told us it is not so. Post Offices were closed for Sunday and Monday. 

Today is Monday, Labour Day in New Zealand. I will continue getting all the documents together and we will continue to search for JPs and hope to get the papers signed tomorrow. 

My mom encouraged me and gave me this scripture:

Isaiah 26:3

You will keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on You,

Because he trusts in You.

(In my BIble I saw a note that on the 19th of March 2005, this very same scripture was given me by my mom)

27 October 2021

Sat in my bed like usual to read but I didn't know where and decided to open my journal. In the back of the journal I kept a couple of things and one of those are a small brown envelope with a letter from my mom. She gave me this letter before we left for NZ. I have read it before but I did not have the nerve to open it and read it again this morning, but I noticed a small white feather stuck to the envelope. I just sat and looked at this feather and the next moment I noticed on the left of me a small white feather lifting up from the carpet and floating in the air the same height as my bed! So I am watching this little feather staying in the air for a while until it dropped back down onto the carpet. I was amazed at this! I will have you know that my fan was still on from the night and so God caused the fan to pick up this feather. So immediately the scripture that came to mind was 'He will cover you with his feathers..' I told myself, do not worry - God has got you! I just smiled as this was so amazing! God was literally showing me that He was near!

I opened my journal to read and I opened it on that exact scripture that I noted down in January 2008!

Psalm 91:4

"He shall cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you shall take cover."

After my quiet time, I opened my emails and yet another email from our emigrations agent saying that we needed to amend some documents and have some of them certified again, and it needed to be couriered to INZ this day! It was our full-day yearly promotions meeting at the university that day and I am the secretary for this to take minutes, and now again I had to do all this paperwork and find an available JP to certify the documents via zoom! Needless to say, I had to excuse myself from the meeting and focus on the paperwork. When I had all the documents ready to go I phoned the couriers, asked them to pick up at 1:30pm and that gave myself 1hour to go out and find a store that sells big brown envelopes. I could not find anything as it was still lockdown level 3 and the only stores open were grocery stores and no envelopes. I grapped a filofolder in the store and a roll of brown paper to wrap it in. I just got back home and I hear a knock on the door at 1:15pm - the courier was early! I had all the docs in the file but haven't covered it yet because I could not find sticky tape. So I made another plan - grabbed a brown shopping paper bag, placed the folder inside and wrapped the paper bag neatly around so it looked like an envelope (string handles and all!) The courier said he would sticky tape it down for me. S at 1:30 pm the parcel had left. Phew!

Writing my Journal - 18 Nov 2021

I also looked up the colour golden yellow (amber) in my dream book, by Ira Milligan: 'His overbearingly bright immediate presence'. 

It further said that the colour amber is only found in the KJV, in the book of Ezekiel 1:4; 1:27-28; 8:2. 

Just sooo amazing because when God stirred my spirit to have faith in HIm and to move back to Him in my heart, in 2020, He led me to the book of Ezekiel!

Scriptures given to me today  - 29 Dec 2021

For the past two weeks and especially yesterday I felt the old familiar feeling of 'I am not good enough, I don't do enough for G_d, I have no concrete purpose or something truly specific that I can do and I feel like I am drifting in thin air without cause.' Is this the extent of my 'maturity in Christ, will I not learn and become 'more' for G_d?

I printed little cards to leave in strategic places for people to find and even doing that was difficult for me. I felt like a criminal trying to plant these cards in the grocery store! What can I do for you, G_d? I felt like I was not of much use for G_d. 

I had to remind myself that I need to walk alongside my husband until the promise is fulfilled. I also had to remind myself that G_d said I should just shine my Light like a lighthouse. But still, I felt restless and anxious - 'what is it I am supposed to do. Lord?' I felt anxious and like I have lost a bit of hope and joy.

I prayed for peace and G_d gave me peace. I started working on HBM videos and enjoyed a calm day at home.

This morning I opened my TPT on Romans 5:3-6:

But that's not all! Even in times of trouble, we have a joyful confidence, knowing that our pressures will develop in us patient endurance. And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy, because we can now experience the endless love of G_d cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!

Oh wow, when I read this I was immediately reminded of the scripture G_d gave me about a year or so ago about Joseph:

"God purged Joseph's character until it was time for his dreams to come true."

I knew then that God was purging MY character until it was time for my dreams to come true. And Romans 5:3-6 is reminding me of that and what G_d is busy within me during this time. So, I need to allow G_d to do this thing in me:

Patient endurance = Refines my character = Hope!

Then the wind blew in through my window and paged my Bible to the following scripture:

Romans 8:14-17

The mature children of G_d are those who are moved by the impulses of the Holy Spirit. And you did not receive the "spirit of religious duty", leading you back into the fear of never being good enough. But you have received the Spirit of full acceptance - you are God's beloved child!

Oh wow! I am now reminded that G_d told me in 2008 that I was fully accepted by Him! ("70" - Elim's 70 palm trees.)

14 April 2022

Feeling sorry for myself today! The emotional battle - waiting for everything. Waiting for residency and hoping to hear from INZ by 16 April (our paperwork is now in review). Waiting for my EA role to finally kick in (been waiting since December). Waiting for Bradley to land a job. Hope to buy our own home in a lovely area is now crushed - been searching for beautiful homes and got excited about it the past month - but realise today that we can't move away from Auckland because work is here, and we can't afford a home in Auckland, so we are stuck. We will have to remain living in one of these busy pigeon holes. Michaela is getting married tomorrow and we can't be there. We haven't seen her in 2,5 years. Waiting for God's promise to come in. Hoping to be able to see Michaela this year. Hoping to be able to visit SA next year to see our parents. Waiting waiting waiting for everything and feeling discouraged. Feeling like I am not living but surviving. What hope do I have to live a quiet life and to rest and not work from 8 - 5 every day, what hope of our own home so we can unpack all our stuff, put up things on the walls and plant a garden. We do not have much in the bank and we do not have properties like we had in SA. We have literally been stripped. Now I say to myself "one day at a time". No dreams can be dreamt anymore. Just step by step every day. As I continued to write my journal this morning I saw the following scriptures:

Psalm 37:3,4

Trust in the Lord and do good.

Dwell in the land, and feed on his faithfulness.

Delight yourself also in the Lord,

and he shall give you the desires of your heart.

 

Isaiah 26:3

You will keep him in perfect peace,

whose mind is stayed on you,

because he trusts in you.

I also read in my NKJV footnotes Joshua 6:

Like the Israelites, take one day at a time and follow step by step. You may not see the logic of G_d's plan until after you have obeyed.

28 May 2022

Last night, 27 May, I dreamt: I was pregnant with a little boy but the pregnancy was not visible as a normal pregnancy - in the dream, I did not see myself with a tummy but I saw the baby perfectly formed inside as if, when lying on my back, the top part of my body was removed for me to see the baby inside. The baby was positioned near my heart though, not my womb. I was trying to push the baby back into this place but it kept telling me that it was coming and it didn't want to remain inside. I said it was too early and the baby said,' no I am coming out!' I was pushing it back down and it even spewed out some of the birth water from its mouth as if to say no I am ready to breathe air now. 

So, there was no stopping the baby and I remember seeing this little baby running around and being perfectly formed and already speaking and strong - physically strong. 

Then at some point, I did not know where he went and I saw myself reaching up over a wooden fence trying to keep two lions, a male and female, from jumping over the fence as they were after the baby to devour it. The male lion was on the ground behind the fence pacing up and down wanting to get over and the female was on top of the fence already but I had it by the head and neck and kept it from coming to my side where the baby was.

So while holding the lioness I looked over my shoulders left and right to see where the baby was and if he was safe. I asked my dad and mom who were nearby if they knew where the baby went and if the baby was safe. They said the baby went that way and he was safe and hiding. I had a feeling of relief and realised that the baby was quite smart enough to hide away from the predators. The baby was very confident and not fearful.

I then had a conversation with the nurses who told me that usually, the pregnancy would prolong to 20 weeks but this one was 20 days only!

I was trying to talk to my parents to tell them about this amazing miracle baby and the pregnancy and the early birth, and how strong and well and mature this little baby was and that it was an incredible miracle but they did not want to listen. 

The dream ended with a date appearing in my mind, very briefly: 22-06-2022 or June 2022..?

I believe God had planted or awakened a heart's desire in me and He will have it birthed through me and it is soon and unstoppable. And although I will feel that it was too soon and I would not be ready, it will be birthed! I will feel that I am not ready but this 'heart's desire' will be ready!

So, I am expectant to see what God has in mind! I have no idea what this is going to be but God knows, and it will be!

(20 July 2022 - as I continue to transfer my handwritten journal to these pages [Into the Desert], I wondered about the meaning of Elim. I don't think I ever looked it up - which is strange because I am always curious about the meaning of names where I believe G_d is guiding me to - and oh my goodness, it means "place of strong trees"!!) Just in case I started doubting that G_d had been speaking to me in symbolism with trees, it is just again confirmed today! 

Palm trees - to grow upright, not branching off; palm leaves a sign of victory; Jeshurun

Oak Tree - Be strong, unmovable despite circumstances

Elim - Place of strong trees

Jericho - City of Palms

Auckland - City of Oaks

Much has happened that led up to this year's events, and to understand the incredible journey of miracles it is better to first go back to the year 2008 when I was called into a desert journey.

18 Nov 20: What does the word Tyre mean in Hebrew?

The name means 'rock' and the city was the main trade center on an island.

The name evolved for a person who worked as a carpenter or wright. The Gaelic form Mac an t-saoir means son of the carpenter