Testimony on Healing

At the age of 29, 3 weeks after the birth of my firstborn, without any reason or warning prior to that day, I could hardly get out of bed. I experienced excruciating pain in my back and could not walk properly. I was dragging my feet one foot at a time. My personal diagnosis was the car accident when I was 15 years old. The car rolled and I landed on my coccyx, fractured it, broke a finger, and splintered vertebrae in my neck.

After the pregnancy, I figured that the muscles weakened and stretched and could no longer support my body the way they should.

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I went to the Doctor who gave me a Voltaren injection. At the time I never went for x-rays; I felt that my own diagnosis was spot on and I would self-medicate accordingly. Since that day I always had to be careful and I adopted a subconscious fear of 'what if it happens again?' You don’t even know it but you allow a certain fear to take hold of you and become part of you always whispering...”don’t do this, what if your back goes out again..?” The intervals of pain were widespread and far apart as long as I was careful but when I felt like moving furniture around I was down for a week or so and with down I mean lots of pain but coping with anti-inflammatory meds and pain tablets until it was better again.

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The issue interfered with my normal lifestyle to a certain extent; I could not run or train like I used to and certain activities with the kids were out of the question. As time went by I got used to this lifestyle and started using more anti-inflammatories and adapted to the 'don’t do too much strenuous stuff' life. I learned to cope fairly well for 13 years. Between physio and biokinetics, we tried to minimize the problem. The problem was mostly always my neck and shoulders. These areas would permanently be in spasms. Along with that, I had extremely sensitive buttock muscles on my right side. It didn’t bother me going through normal daily life but if I accidentally bumped into a hard object or the kids nicked me with their fingers whilst playing I wanted to go through the roof – the pain was indescribable! It felt like someone stuck a knife into my buttocks! 

In the 14th year, things changed and it got progressively worse. Now it started to seriously bug me and the intervals changed from a monthly state to a weekly state. I would have a good week and then 2 bad weeks or the other way around. I increased the meds and tried to cope like that. The chronic spasms and inflammation caused chronic daily pain. I woke up the one morning and as I stretched I felt my back going into a spasm...again…but this time it was different. By mid-day when I caught a glance of myself in the mirror, as I was shuffling slowly past, I thought something looked weird. My body looked weird – the one hip was lifted up and forward and the other pushed down and toward the back and the pain medication did not help at all. I went to the Doctor and when he saw me he said “but you look all skew!” I said, “I know, that is why I am here!”

The x-rays showed my spine pulled skew by the coccyx and further up. My muscles went into spasm so badly that it pulled my spine skew. The pain was unbearable. After a potent injection and prescribed meds, I went home and a couple of days later it was better.

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The year 2014 arrived and there were no more intervals; I had chronic pain in my neck and shoulders every single day. I was on pain medication and anti-inflammatories permanently and it just got worse and worse. Not long into the year, I decided to make an appointment with an Orthopaedic Surgeon. He was concerned about the buttock muscles that were so sensitive and said that it was a sign of a pinched nerve and sent me for an MRI. He was right, the report was a slipped disc L4/L5 and the disc just lower showed signs of early osteoporosis. This report hit me hard as I always believed that my problem wasn’t structural but only muscular, and knowing now that it was structural it seemed worse to me. 

On the other hand, it felt good to finally have a diagnosis and reason for my pain and proof to everyone who might have doubted my pain! It was kind of like a legal document for me to have pain. I always believed it would be better for me to know what was wrong because once you know the truth about a situation you could gear yourself to work with it. I took that report and opted for a few epidural cortisone injections to ease the painful buttock muscles. The neck was now secondary and would be treated later. I was very hopeful as I read up a lot on the cortisone injections and looked forward to a pain-free and drug-free life from hereon, well for at least 3 to 6 years, because that is what I was told.

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When I woke up after the anaesthetic I felt good and excited to go home. I had to remain in bed for three days solid,  and thereafter I could start my new life. However, for some reason the cortisone did not help me but instead for unknown reasons, I had more pain and pain where I never had before. Now I had pain in my lower back which I never had before and in my middle back. I waited another 6 weeks for the cortisone to ‘kick in’ but then realised that it wasn’t going to kick in. Instead of being pain-free, my nightmare started. All of a sudden I could not sit for longer than 10 minutes at a time; I could not lie down in one position for very long; sleeping became a problem because no matter what position it was painful; I battled to drive and I had to give up my walking for exercise. It continued to worsen by the day and I could hardly do anything! I wasn’t able to sweep my floors and clean my house; no more able to do the grocery shopping or packing away the groceries; not able to colour my own hair or hang the washing; packing or unpacking the dishwasher was a very strenuous exercise. Every ordinary little task became a painful hateful mission and every movement became a calculated one. Bending down had to be thought-over; careful not to bend down with my body even slightly twisted or not having my weight unevenly spread on my legs; not jumping back up too fast and making sure most movements are slow and consciously made. Walking uphill or climbing stairs was almost impossible. Driving the kids to school and back resulted in tears especially sitting in traffic having to hold in the clutch which was sometimes impossible to do. I started cutting off so many hobbies and things that I was busy with. I could not sit long enough to practise the piano or read my Bible or making clothing. Many days I had to cancel arrangements and work as driving somewhere wasn't possible. I cried out to God many times “God, my life has been stolen from me! This is not a life anymore…this is just torture nonstop!”

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The pain grew and started affecting my hips and I went back for cortisone in the left hip. Then the right hip started and I could not do my little back exercises anymore. Then it started going down my legs and my right arm. My whole body was full of inflammation and spasms constantly. When I touched my arms or calves or anywhere I touched my body it was sore – it felt bruised – all the tissue felt bruised as if I was in a car accident the day before. Between physio and a back re-hab centre and acupuncture and special stretching exercises and x-rays and Doctor’s visits and different medication, massages and traction; I was a wreck and my bank account depleted. Everyone in their own professions were fantastic and I have great respect for each one - you helped me tremendously. I am grateful to God that He sent me to amazing specialists and professionals during this time of pain. (I am not saying these treatments do not help but in my case, it gave me relief for a day or two and then the pain and spasms were back. Looking back I know now that God had a different road for me.)

 

By this time I was depressed and miserable. Hope left me and all I did 24 hours a day was focussing on pain control. My husband spent many hours on the internet trying to find some kind of help and eventually came home with a mixture of pain medication that finally worked! I felt relief with this medication and I remember how anxious I became when I started running out knowing that this pharmacy was in Kempton Park and I am in Krugersdorp. One day my husband came home with a whole bag of this medication and I was excited! I still joked about my ‘fix’ that has arrived and could at least cope again for a while. The pain consumed me. I could not think about anything else and I could not focus on anything else. My sleep was affected as I woke up from pain most nights. In the morning when I woke up the first thing I did was to eat something so that I could take my pain medication. I was focused on not skipping a meal because the medication was strong and it would burn my stomach so I made sure I always had something to eat so that I could take my meds. Still, some days I was not able to do anything and stayed in bed. Chronic pain eventually makes you depressed and for more than one reason...you can’t do what you’re used to doing; no one understands what you are going through; everyone goes on with their lives and you are left behind by yourself having to cope with pain and anger and so many emotions going rampant inside your head!

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The whole family gets affected by your chronic pain because you can no longer take care of the home and kids. Chronic pain makes you irritated, impatient, mad and angry all the time. Then you live with guilt because you are so impatient and irritable. Then you start stressing about your finances because medical aids don’t cover these kinds of costs and every treatment has to be paid out of your own account. Then the pain medication makes you constipated and tired and you start getting ill from that. It is a vicious circle of destruction! The last three days before I was cured of the chronic pain I was teary and tired. My mind was spinning and my faith was weak. My joy was stolen from me and I had lost hope. By this time I could not keep my right arm on the steering wheel and had to leave it resting on my lap whilst driving.

 

I opted for a disc replacement and made an appointment with a surgeon. I thought if not for the pain then for my sanity! It was Wednesday morning, 29 November 2014, I needed to drop the kids off at school but I was crying, I could not take it anymore. Since then Monday I was on four Spasmends (muscle relaxants) a day and three to four of my special potent pain mixture which consisted of three different tablets but nothing eased the pain. I picked up the car keys to take the kids and my husband stopped me and said: “have you ever considered that this was maybe in your head?”

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I was so offended and hurt that my husband would have the nerve to ask me this type of question!? I started sobbing! All the way to school and back I was wiping tears behind my sunglasses thinking, could it get any worse?! For 15 years I prayed for healing; cried and begged. For 15 years people prayed for me; anointed me and even told me that I had the Kundalini snake wrapped around my spine!? (Rediculous). I was told that I needed to dig for the roots; see where I opened spiritual doors and so I did. For two years I dug and dug and prayed and repented and cut off and destroyed any demonic influence and stronghold I was told that might have been over me or in me but nothing changed. I told my mother that I was like a time bomb ready to explode at any time - I had so much anger inside me! The pain made me so angry! I was extremely tired...a giving-up tired.

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Returning home from dropping the kids at school, I was quiet and calm when I walked back into my home and I said to my husband that I would hear what he had to say. He told me that he wasn’t saying this to hurt me but I should sit and watch this video on YouTube and hear what they have to say about this topic. He went to get ready for work and I watched and listened and I started sobbing again. I knew what I was hearing was for me and that it was the truth for me. The video spoke about the emotional pain that we keep inside and we ignore it and that pain eventually gets inflicted on your physical body. I knew this was me!

 

That whole day I was in bed, not being able to do anything and my ‘wonder-medication’ did not give me any relief. By evening my husband had downloaded this book called “Healing your Back Pain by Dr Sarno” but because I could not sit up and read he sat next to me and started reading it to me. I don’t know what happened, I think it was me being open to receiving what he was reading, and God having orchestrated this day and time in my life, I started receiving what I heard and started to very simply apply that in my mind.

Dr Sarno said that most patients come to him with slipped discs and they come there with their x-rays and MRI’s proving the cause of their pain. Some patients even had 7 slipped discs. He said that the slipped disc is not the cause of your pain. Your body is created in such a way that when it gets injured it takes a maximum of 6 weeks to heal. It heals itself, that is how it is created. Any pain after that and any chronic pain he believes IS NOT because of an old injury. The moment you experience chronic pain you have to dig into your soul and see why and what caused the emotional wounds. Your brain somehow thinks it is doing you a favour because you want to protect yourself against emotional pain and then your brain literally inflicts that pain on your physical body. You are definitely not imagining the pain – it is real – but the cause is not what you think it is, so you treat the wrong cause and therefore you do not get better.

 

I cannot describe it but I literally felt the pain leaving my body instantly! I could not believe what I was experiencing! I asked myself ‘how could this be possible? How could I feel the pain leaving me instantly yet moving inside of me’; it was moving from area to area and then it was gone.

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My husband read that the pain would move around in your body and that it could reappear in another form or another area like headaches or eczema etc.

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That night I went to bed without taking any pain medication. The next day I did not take any medication. I felt the pain at certain times wanting to manifest but I told myself “brain, do not inflict pain on my flesh; there is no reason to have pain, it is emotional issues and we will deal with it” and the pain left.

 

For the next couple of days, I was still trying to make sense of this whole thing while I was talking to myself, renewing my thoughts I guess. I was dumbfounded! How do you explain this and how do I share this amazing healing with people – especially with some Christians!? It sounds weird and yet this is how my healing came to me and I know it was God. All these years I prayed for a creative miracle. I never had this type of healing in mind; it was never in my frame of mind. I did not know it was possible. After all, I had the x-rays and report that the slipped disc was the cause of my pain.

 

We were extremely joyful and amazed and I praised God for what He had done! Approximately 3 days after I started developing eczema on my right hand. I had these disgusting blisters on the palm of my hand – it looked ugly and it was itchy. I remembered my husband reading that it could reappear in the form of eczema but I was not ready for this. I felt crushed again. Again I spent hundreds of rands on medication and treatments and nothing cured it! Instead, it grew and spread like wildfire. I started wearing a bandage around my hand because I could not look at it anymore and felt embarrassed about it.

 

Again we spent hours on the internet trying to understand what it was and where it came from and finding a cure – again, nothing! No one has anything to offer. Everything I tried did not work. It is crazy to think these tiny blisters could affect me like this but again I was in a deep depression. I felt kind of betrayed in a way. I just received my healing from back pain after a 15-year struggle and now this!? Could it not have waited a bit for me to enjoy my healing first?

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Eventually, I decided to try my own remedy. Everyone tells you not to pop the blisters as they would spread but I looked at it one morning thinking, these blisters provide a safe little home for the bacteria/virus, destroy the house and the bug has nowhere to live. So I popped the blisters and soaked my hand in Dead Sea Water that I bought from the pharmacy. Instant improvement! I went through this exercise for just about two weeks and it started healing beautifully.

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I discovered that eczema is a result of anxiety and fear. However, although that is absolutely true there is more, it is inflammation of the skin. I realised that it must have been dormant all these years because for 15 years I took anti-inflammatories and now I stopped that medication and nothing is suppressing it anymore so it had to come out. All the inflammation I had in my body left along with the pain, instantly (incredible), however, this is still active in my body. I received the truth about my pain and the pain left but I have not yet dealt with the emotional wounds and pain. When you stress (experiencing anxiety, tension and fear) it can produce inflammation of the skin and cause eczema. I have also learnt that eczema is almost like a thumbprint, it is individual. People would experience it differently on different parts of their body, a different strand of it and the healing methods would be unique to the individual. You need to try all kinds of treatments and find the one that works for you. But the truth for everyone is this: fear, anxiety, stress and the one I found in myself – inner conflict. Over time as I started stressing about something in my life, and I allowed it to touch me deeply – so I allow that stress and worry into that soul wounds-area – then eczema appears in a matter of minutes! So I know now that I need to control my stress levels and deal with the wounds.

 

It is now February 2015, just over 2 months later and I am still off medication. I have a slight discomfort at times perhaps a 2% of what I had but this does not even merit taking pain medication. I can walk for exercise again and even take a few steps jogging at times. I pick up heavy things and move furniture and I do everything I used to do; my own shopping and washing. I can even sweep and mop my floors again!

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I praise God for what He had done. I am so grateful for Him not having healed me in the manner I was asking and hoping. I would have missed out on something far greater! What I have learnt is that you can use this principle in your everyday life with anything you face. You have the ability and capability to deal with anything. The first message I got from God after my healing that night is the story in the Bible of the handicapped man who was lying at the healing pool for 38 years and when Jesus met him Page 8 Testimony on Healing He asked the man: “do you want to get healed?”

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All these years I could not understand why Jesus had asked that question and I always thought it was a bit harsh...of course, he wanted his healing? The keywords are WANT and WILL. We have been given a will and God always works with your WILL. We always have to WILL in our minds and thoughts before God can give it to us. This is such a powerful concept and if you get this it will open a window to you that you never imagined! Your thoughts pave your future to a great extent. God showed me that for 15 years I was like a crippling beggar in front of Him begging and crying for something I had already received. When Jesus said on the cross “it is done” He meant it! There is nothing missing or nothing falling short…it was done. We have received everything we need to live a life in abundance and we need to understand that we have already received our inheritance here on earth. We must understand this and take it and apply it. The word WILL goes hand in hand with CHOICE. You CHOOSE to WILL and then you will receive what is rightfully yours, given to you freely by Christ Himself, by His sacrifice and blood. God showed me the power of my brain; my thoughts. As a man thinks so he is. I took the report from the hospital that day ad made it mine.

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I took that report as my truth and so it became my truth. I chose to believe it and as I believed it, it was applied and manifested in my physical. Your brain is incredible, and sadly for some reason, many Christians believe when we start looking at the power of the mind you are into New Age beliefs. I can assure you my heart is for God; the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. God gave me this amazing Truth and I give Him all the glory. We cannot always understand God’s ways as it is far above what we can imagine and we cannot box Him. Dr Caroline Leaf says that your thought creates ‘trees’ in your brain and good thoughts create pretty looking tree-like neurons with branches. Your negative thoughts create thorny-looking neurons with branches. We have to look at every thought as a seed. God says we need to take our thoughts captive which means we have to think about what we are thinking about and choose to regard or disregard it. If I choose to meditate on negative thoughts they will eventually grow in my mind and it becomes who I am. So the incredible responsibility you and I have with our free WILL and CHOICE is to choose every day a hundred times ‘how am I going to think about this?’. Your choice is either negative or positive. No matter which one you choose it becomes a path like a train track and that is a memory. My brain ran on this track for 15 years.

 

Every day all I could think about was ‘pain-control, which consumed me totally. The more I thought about the pain the more I caused it to manifest and grow in my physical body. Whatever you think about constantly becomes truth and a reality in your being. Your mind controls and instructs your physical body. Your body is not to blame (we sometimes hate our bodies and we get angry with our bodies) – your body follows the instructions of your mind/thinking. Your destiny is written in heaven but you CHOOSE to live it or not. Can you begin to understand the incredible responsibility you have received when God gave you a choice and will?

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Every situation in your life goes through these thought processes and you are the owner/manager thereof. There are only 2 choices: Negative or positive, there is no in-between. We just never stop to take a breath and think about what we are thinking about.

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Have you lost a loved one? Are you hurting? Of course, you are! Give yourself the time that you need to heal your soul wounds and decide that you will not mourn indefinitely. When you choose to be ready you can get up and move on forward; never forgetting your loved one but choosing to live again with renewed perspective and changes and adaptations but going forward. When Moses died Joshua and the people mourned for 3 months. They stayed camping before crossing the Jordan. After 3 months God told Joshua to get up, to stop mourning, and to get ready as they were about to cross the Jordan. It is a Godly principle to stop mourning and move on. Did they forget Moses as they crossed over? No, of course not, but they chose to move forward. Sadly, many of us choose to never stop mourning and we become a victim of that loss. We do not realise it but we become captives of the past memories. To come out of this takes CHOICE to WILL to get out of the bondage. Has someone offended you and said hurtful things to you? Were you molested as a child? Were you mistreated in any way? Were you physically abused? Was it a car accident? What caused the deep wounds in your soul that is too painful to visit? Are you experiencing physical pain anywhere and it has been going on for a long period of time? Look into your soul and ask God to guide you and show you. Ask God to shine His light into your soul and expose everything that needs to be dealt with. Break that memory trail and create a new one. Stop being a victim to that wrong path. You owe it to yourself and your physical body to be set free.

 

I also firmly believe that eventually, you fall into another trap called ‘self-pity’. Although you have every reason to feel sorry for yourself, rather decide that it has an expiry date. Dust off and move on ahead with new perspectives that God gave you; you have chosen to receive these new perspectives and you have chosen to apply them. God did not give me a creative miracle; He did not give me a new disc because it was not necessary. I can live with the slipped disc, no problem. But instead, He gave me so much more; He gave me healing in my thinking – my thought pattern. Just taking that simple bit of truth that the cause of my pain was neither the car accident nor the slipped disc, set me free from the pain. My brain was the cause of my pain and had now to be used and renewed to bring the healing instead. I see this healing as Him giving me the grace to bear it – like Paul.

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The reason I am saying this is because I received that scripture just before my healing. My discs are still gone and my neck is still skew – it was not restored to its original state - yet I can manage well with it the way it is. Now I understand these scriptures: John 8:32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free Proverbs 23:7 For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. 2 Corinthians 10:5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

 

I am still amazed at how God brought all this to me in a way I never expected. The simple truth is this, God created all and He created Kingdom principles and these principles stand. You can be a non-believer but if you understand the principle and you apply it to your life then it will bless you – it will be activated in your life as God created it and 'programmed' it. Hence, He makes the sun shine on good and bad. In the exact same way, the principle of the sower will be true for you whether you believe in God or not. As you sow you will reap. These are God’s principles. God created me and my brain – He knows what He created and how it is knitted together and how it operates together under His natural laws. He knows exactly how your thoughts can harm you or bless you. You are His creation whether you believe Him or not.

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I find that one of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking that whatever pain and suffering they are going through is worse than those who applied this principle. If you think in this manner you are already WILLFULLY deciding not to receive. If you say to me “but remember what happened to me is really bad and traumatic” in other words my pain and trauma is worse than yours’, [what right do you have to weigh your trauma against another’s anyways?] or you say ‘my cause or reason for the illness/pain is due to this…..’ As you believe so it will be done to you according to what you believe. God created a miracle when He created the human body; soul, spirit and physical. It is all interlinked. Your physical body holds the 5 senses-gates. This is how you receive information (data and pictures, sound etc) from the outside. This information gets accepted by your free will and filtered as you choose and then eventually gets off-loaded (stuck/bondage) or it gets released via your mouth/tongue or your actions or facial expressions. Therefore, be careful what you choose to meditate on as it will come out in its form/manner. Most of our illnesses and afflictions are due to our thinking patterns. Most of our bondage and strongholds are in the mind. You must view every thought as a seed. Just like there are only two kingdoms there are only two kinds of seed. Blessing and curse. Life and death. You have control over your thoughts. You decide whether you will plant good seeds or bad seeds and then you will reap the harvest of it. Good fruits or bad fruits. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit – you CAN do it! Every seed becomes a tree but you have the power (given to you by God) to decide what trees you are going to plant. Are there demons? Yes, there are but you have control over them - if you have Jesus. Most times it is not a demon but your own trail of thoughts causing bondage and destruction. Demonic influence is there but not to the extent that we would like to believe. See, it is sometimes easier to blame a demon rather than taking responsibility. You end up chasing demons your whole life and never making progress because you are misinformed, tricked and lied to.

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Make sure you get to the TRUTH of every situation in your life else there will be no healing. How did Satan tempt Jesus? He aimed at planting thought-seeds but Jesus, armed and equipped with Truth refused to allow these seeds to take root in his life. Satan did not push Jesus off the mountain. Satan did not force the stone into his mouth and he did not push Jesus down to kneel and worship him. They were only ideas given by Jesus and Satan hoped that Jesus would entertain the thought, cultivate it so that it could become a truth for Jesus and then Jesus would have acted on it and destroyed himself. Satan and his demons work in the same manner with you and me. Therefore, we need to be awake and ready to resist the devil. But first, we need to humble ourselves before God so that we can resist the devil. Sin opens the door to illnesses and sicknesses. When I say this to certain people their eyes stretch in shock…how dare I say their physical pain is due to sin?! Sin is everything that is not according to God’s will. If God says ‘take every thought captive and bring it under the obedience of Christ” and I choose NOT to do this then I am against God’s will and plan for my life and then I open a door to illness. If God says to meditate on what is good and praise-worthy and acceptable to Him and I do not but choose to meditate on negative thoughts or the offense from the other day then I am against His will for me and I open a door for negative stronghold and bondage and eventually illness. God did not give us Kingdom rules and principles because He wants to show who is boss! No, He created us [He knows how you are put together] and His principles, and He knows how things operate and work together. By choosing not to stay on the road God chose for you will lead to destruction in some way or another. Every choice has a consequence – good or bad. We make the choice. God, who loves us far more than we can imagine or comprehend, gave us rules so that we would not get hurt.

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We have no idea what God created when He created the human brain. You have received an incredibly intelligent ‘control system’. Without that you would not be able to move your body parts or make decisions – you would just be able to lie down and breathe. Think about it in this way. You buy yourself an iPhone and it looks great and you like it and you use it for making phone calls and texting. You use it in this manner for a very long time and it works for you. One day you discover that you can use it for e-mails, googling, adding awesome apps, and much more. You never knew it had these incredible extras and capabilities. Now you look at your phone differently and you go.. ’wow’! It is the same with the human brain. We use such a small part of it not knowing what amazing abilities and capabilities God gave us with this brain.

 

Again, it is not New Age. It is God our Creator who created the brain. Non-believers and New Age people oftentimes discover these amazing scientific truths and they start applying them, and we believers go ‘oh my goodness, it is evil’! Some people often use it in an evil manner but that is not how God purposed it and one day they will have to give an account for it. For example, just because witchcraft sometimes involves feathers and owls etc does not make the owl (which God created) evil.

 

Anger = Hurt.  At a stage in my life, I had so much anger inside me and I felt like I was going to explode at any time. God showed me that all the deep hurt in my soul was boxed up by a shell...like a capsule, called anger. Whatever comes through my senses, and triggers a soul wound that is locked up in that capsule, causes it to bounce back from the capsule of anger, and gets released in like manner to the outside. This is the protection mechanism. The anger capsule is what protects the deep hurt and pain inside. Anger is not the real issue. Whatever is locked up and hidden inside the capsule is the real issue. When we realize and admit this truth then we can start the healing process. We can then CHOOSE to allow God to break open the capsule and shine His light into the wounds.

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He then brings it to the surface so that we can confess, repent, forgive, release and heal. Note the steps: Identify the problem and its origin Admit that you have this problem Choose and will to heal Confess that you have sinned (allowed to harbor ill thoughts and bitterness) Repent (ask forgiveness and decide wilfully that you are turning your back on this sin) Forgive (yourself or anyone else who hurt you) Release yourself or that person/s Allow God to heal you Break the habit Live a life of gratitude None of the above is possible (not even the first step) if you are not willing to humble yourself. Pride will block the whole process. If not at the first step then somewhere along the line with any of the other steps. I feel it is important for me to say this: I had not applied these steps consciously when I received my healing from pain. I only accepted that I had a problem and the cause of it was not what I thought it was. I accepted and admitted the TRUTH about my situation. This is the key to it all. The simple scripture in the Word: the Truth shall set you free. When you start dealing with the inner wounds, as a Believer then the steps are important as it is biblical and we who believe operates according to God’s Word. This is resisting the devil. When you resist wrong behaviour, wrong thinking, pain, depression, loneliness etc you are also resisting the devil. Anger is not the root but a fruit. Once you have dealt with the inner wounds the fruit will also fall away. However, the fruit might not fall immediately. Remember that your brain has been running on this same old path for a long time. You also need to train your mind not to run on that memory any longer. Those memories can become a habit/train track. You need to break the habit as well.

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We should love ourselves and others the same. When we love ourselves we are in peace within. The opposite of peace is anger. Impatience, criticism, and irritability are just other branches of anger. These branches will eventually lash out in rage and anger. It is my experience that the one thing that makes us angry is when an injustice has been done. Someone has done something to you and you had no say in the matter or you could not say anything or you could not do anything to stop that person from hurting you in whatever way. So this bad thing happened and you were helpless and defenseless for whatever reason. This causes hurt and when left untreated (9 steps) you will form the capsule of anger which locks the pain and bitterness inside. Inside that capsule is a puss of rotten ‘soul-flesh’ and it never heals unless you choose for it to heal. This anger, God told me personally, is eating you alive on the inside like bugs. This is a road to destruction in one form or another. This anger is food and fuel for the bugs. [anger consists of hurt, resentment, bitterness]. It will manifest in the flesh. So do you choose life or death?

 

Fear, Anxiety and Stress. The scripture ”do not fear” appears 365 times in the Bible. We can view it from two different perspectives: God decided to write it once for each day of the year so that we would know for certain that He is with us. The other perspective should be that we must remember, on a daily basis, not to give in to this temptation of fear (worry and anxiety). Fear is a sin because it shows our lack of faith and trust in God. I heard recently from a Pastor that we were born with two kinds of fear:

• Fear that you are going to fall

• Fear of loud noises Every other fear is learned.

We learn this by what we allow in through our 5 senses and what we allow to think about it. Sometimes we do not allow it but we have no control as it is forced by another person/s one way or another.

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Fear, anxiety and stress go hand-in-hand and this eventually makes you ill. The anxiety and stress I chose to live with for so long caused my body to release inflammation on a permanent basis which in return caused more pain and more spasms. Inflammation is supposed to help you and bring healing to tissue in a short time period, but remaining in a state of fear, anxiety and stress you go into over-drive. You are permanently in the fight or flight zone and this is harmful to your body. Your body is not supposed to permanently release these kinds of chemicals. It is like pushing the ‘self-destruction’ button in a space shuttle. The inflammation causes spasms and the spasms cause pain, the pain causes more spasms and this results in oxygen deprivation of the muscles and so it goes on and on in a circle. This is why it is good to go for physio treatments and massages and conditioning of the muscles. It does not treat the root of the problem but it helps with the symptoms in the meantime. We owe it to ourselves to be set free from these brutal spirals of self-destruction. Be content within In order for us to be content within we need to be in balance/harmony. You are created as physical, soul and spirit. These are interlinked and knitted together and the one affects the other. It all starts with LOVE. If you are balanced within and you love yourself then this will, in turn, reflect from you to the outside world. Everything you do will be affected in this manner and so the opposite is also true. When we are balanced and all the fruit of the spirit is active in us and through us then we are healthy beings. Our lives will portray this. When we hate ourselves we also hate others. Everything you think will be done in like manner. Whatever is inside of you will come out, if not today then tomorrow. You just cannot hide it forever. This is actually good because this helps us to identify. When we put unfair expectations on ourselves we also put unfair expectations on others and most often they don’t meet our expectations and we are disappointed or offended. The key is IT ALL STARTS WITH ME. Get my thinking in line and my feet will follow. Search yourself thoroughly and use criticism constructively.

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God’s letter to me. Shortly after my healing, I wrote this down. I just picked up my laptop and started writing :

 

My dear child, Most of your problems and issues are self-inflicted. Since the beginning, it has been the human choice to blame someone or something else. It is easier to blame than to take responsibility. It is not your circumstances that are to blame but your thinking. Yes, many bad things happen to many people and so it has happened also to you but it is how you are going forward and how you choose to think about it that makes the difference. I have given you everything you need to move forward. My words on the cross “it is done” means far more than my children realise. I have given you everything you need to live your life here on earth, and in abundance. It is your choice whether or not you will take this Truth and apply it to your life. Every thought that is not of Me needs to be taken captive and brought under My obedience. Your thoughts create paths and cause your subconscious mind to run on that path and if you do not choose to break this path it is not going to change. Your thinking will create and order your future – bring your thinking in line with Mine and you will succeed. Your destiny is written in heaven but you choose to walk it. There are only two kingdoms – Light and Darkness – you need to choose which kingdom you will abide with. Analyse your every thought and if it is negative or causes you to feel guilt or hurt or anger then you know it is not of Me. Those emotions however need to be examined – I gave you feelings and emotions as an alarm system to tell you about your soul. Just as I have given you physical pain stimuli in your skin and flesh, else you would destroy your body without even realising it, so you also need to take heed to your soul stimuli. Your feelings and emotions are a gauge of what goes on in your soul. A painful thought /emotion/feeling is a warning to look into your heart and see why it is there. When you cut yourself you put ointment on and a dressing; same with your heart, it too needs the proper attention and care to heal from its wounds. This kind of healing always requires forgiveness on your part. Without forgiveness, there will be no healing. Without forgiveness, your soul breeds bitterness and anger, and that in return will at some point inflict in your body as painful muscles or headaches or allergies and many more sicknesses and illnesses.

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The world today is too focussed on feelings and emotions and all choices are being made on those but I am telling you now, I have never intended for your emotions and feeling to have control over you - they were given you merely as a gauge to help you but you need to make controlled decisions according to My Word. I have given you self-control. You need to rule over your emotions. This too is a simple choice. You need to read my Word with the mind of a child else you will not understand what I am saying to you. Read it and apply it like a child and you will receive my blessings and promises. Too many of you have spent too much time searching out spiritual things which I have not instructed you to study. It might be the truth but I do not want you to know about all spiritual things. I AM your God and I will protect you from many things in the spiritual world. My Word is your guide and plumb line and I made sure I have covered everything you need to know and learn. Whatever is added is not of Me and is not necessary. Everything you need to know is written down. It is time for you to unlearn many things which I have not taught you. You cannot know Me with your intellect - why do so many of you feel the need to add intellectual teachings when I said you should learn and understand as a child? You add things to My Word which is not of Me. Have I not said that you should choose life or death? There is no in-between. You make a choice every day to choose life or death in every situation and area of your life. Most of you are unaware of this but your choices, consciously or subconsciously, big or small will take you to the outcome you have chosen. When you choose to entertain negative ill-willed thoughts your body will react to them as you have chosen. Most of your illnesses and sicknesses are due to your thoughtlife. Now use your thoughts to undo the wrong and your body will respond appropriately. Renew your mind daily with My Word and meditate on what is good and praiseworthy and acceptable to Me and your healing will spring forth. But you choose to meditate on offensive thoughts; guilt, unworthiness, self-hatred, self-rejection, loneliness, self-pity and more. Again I say, change your thinking and your body will respond. Take control of your thoughts and choose your steps forward. Live your life consciously and not subconsciously.

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You have become people-pleasers instead of pleasing Me. I have told you that the only way you can please Me is by faith but you are lacking faith. I have told you that you need to overcome the world and the only way to do so is in the victory which is by faith. You need to overcome the obstacles in life - not in creating a comfort zone for yourself with high walls and security systems but in the midst of trouble you need to trust Me and in the midst of your hurts and difficulties you need to learn to apply your mind and bring your thoughts into My Kingdom. Most of your life happens in your brain. This is where I have created your WILL and CHOICE and I will not give it to you merely to control and manage it for you on your behalf. YOU are the manager of your own will and thoughts; else it will not be freedom. You have heard it said that the battlefield is in the mind; yes indeed it is. Stop blaming a person or demon or circumstance for everything that goes wrong in your life. Demons have no input in your life lest you give it thought and power and access. I have overcome evil and I have given you power over evil. Who is the enemy? He is the father of lies. He is also fear, anger, depression, pain, loneliness, so if I say 'resist the devil' you need to resist all of him. If you choose to allow fear or anxiety or pain in your life then you are making the choice not to resist the devil. Resist him and he will flee from you. Should you say 'I am lonely and miserable‘...I am saying to you that it is a choice. You say 'but so much trauma came my way'...I am saying to you that I am not unaware of your pain and when your heart aches mine aches with you, but I have given you the power to leave it behind and move on. I have given you amazing capabilities and abilities in your mind. So, My child, apply these Truths to your life and you will be set free. Take My hand and choose life every day. Walk with Me, talk with Me, focus on your blessings and live a life of gratitude. Seek My will and not your own and you will be all you were created to be here on earth. I AM with you and will never leave you nor forsake you. I love you with an everlasting love.

 

Your Father in heaven.

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If you have any further questions please feel free to contact me. I do not know much but I can share with you what I do know. All you need to do is have an open heart to receive the truth. I am not saying that this is the only way of healing but I do believe 90% plus will receive healing in this manner in some area of your life as you heal your thought processes. Some of you will feel your boundaries being shifted and that will be strange and uneasy but sometimes it is just because we have been taught certain things and got stuck with that.

 

What a privilege to have gone through this and experience this! I thank my God who has given me this treasure and I believe He has given it to help others. You too can be set free, all you need to do is make a choice. The question is..do you want to be set free?

 

I thank God for my husband Garth, who spent hours and hours, days on end, searching for help and truth on the internet, and going through this with me along with my kids. You have helped me more than you realise! I thank God for my parents, who were also going through this with me on a daily basis, crying together and praying together. I do not know what I would have done without you. A few dear friends chose to take my hand and walk this road with me. You know who you are. You are precious to me.

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A special thank you to Pierre Assor (Functional Sports Conditioner, Krugersdorp), Dr Attie Cloete (Orthopaedic Surgeon, Randfontein), Tannie Hannetjie (Physio Therapist, Krugersdorp), DBC Clinic (Rehab Centre Illovo), without you I would not have managed with the pain. I have such respect for each one of you and for your profession and will always gladly refer people to you. You are not only brilliant in your profession but also amazingly beautiful people who encouraged me in different ways.

 

Book: Healing Your Back Pain ~ Dr. Sarno

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Most of all, and above all, my praise goes to God who healed me! All glory to God, the God whose name is I AM, my Father in heaven; Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit.